The Start of the Journey

This journey actually began on 2/24/08. I have been writing in a notebook, so am going to transfer that to the blog. Our rescue dog Molly died unexpectantly, suddenly, and quickly on that Sunday afternoon. We were shocked and devasted. Molly was a special dog whom I had first fostered and then adopted. She came from a nasty puppy mill and was unsocialized and afraid of the world. In the 5 years she'd been with me, she made much progress in dealing with her fears and issues.

Over that weekend, I'd had some abdominal pain (the second bout) that I thought might be gall stones. So the next day I made an appointment to see my PCP. She ordered bloodwork and an ultrasound was scheduled for the following day. The technician kept 'marking' things on the screen and asked me if I'd ever had a CAT scan. I didn't get a good feeling from that.

Later that afternoon, my Dr. called and said that they found spots on my liver and that it could be cancer, so I needed a CAT scan right away. Also, she made me an appt with an oncologist for the following Monday. I had been on my way to have dept birthday cake, so was in complete shock at how my day had just flipped. I felt like I was in a different reality. I had to drink 2 bottles of barium (I won't even go into the details of the after effects). After the scan we waited in the Imaging reception area for the Dr. to call. Things didn't look good. I made an appt for us to see her on Friday for a preliminary report.

I did a little research on liver cancer. Unless you've got cirrhossis or underlying liver disease, the liver doesn't get cancer unless it's spread from somewhere else. I was officially scared. Until our appt, I tried not to think worst case--it was hard.

There was what was likely a primary tumor (~3 cm) on my pancreas. There were multitudes of lesions on the liver, both lobes. She ordered more bloodwork and gave me a prescription for Xanax should I have any anxiety. Maybe just a little. I went back to work and told my boss. I said I really didn't think I could work the rest of the day. She told me to go home and take Monday as well.

We tried to stay busy through the weekend. I told my sister Maria and my Dad. Also, a friend at work knew because he happened to come into my office right after the first phone call from the Dr. while I was trying to assimilate the information I'd just been given.

On Monday, 3/3/08, Michael picked me up from work and we went to the cancer center which is down the street from where I work. The oncologist is probably in his late 30s, he seemed very nice. He didn't come in assuming that he knew everything about me. He wanted to know what path I had taken to get there. He showed us the CAT scan and explained what we were looking at. A tumor at the tail end of the pancreas and at least 20 lesions on the liver. He also did a breast exam.

His hope, because I hadn't lost gobs of weight and didn't really look sick, was that it was a slow-growing, hormonal-driven cancer. He ordered an octreotide scan, which involved me getting an IV of radioactive material and then at least two nuclear scans. It scanned me from head to mid-thigh and then around my chest and abdomen. It was actually pretty peaceful and I could have fallen asleep. After the first scan, I had to do a bowel prep. This one wasn't quite as bad as the one for my colonoscopy. At least I won't have to have one of those again. But I did have to bathe and groom my show dog that night for a trip to Kansas with my breeder, so it made for a looong night.

Then I went back for my second scan, and was told I didn't need to come back, they got everything they needed. The Dr. also ordered a needle biopsy of a liver lesion. It was scheduled for Monday 3/10/08. Oh, and then there was that 24-hour urine collection which I did on Sunday.

The biopsy involved going to Imaging--they would do it with the help of a CAT scan. I had my own nurse. The radiology tech was the same one who had done my CAT scan the previous week. The radiologist assured me they had all done hundreds of not thousands of these and they were a good team. Between the Versed and Fentanyl I don't remember anything after they put the needle in my back to numb it. I woke up about an hour and a half later on my side, and then could roll onto my back for another hour and a half. The procedure was easy. The waiting was hell.