Meltdown

Tuesday and Wednesday were very stressful. I tried to finish up the work I had. I talked to a lot of people about what was going on. I held it together pretty well until the end of the day. Wednesday night (before my first treatment) I had a meltdown after we went to bed. I was so scared about treatment.

I try not to let my mind go to that dark place of death, because I don't want to cloud my positive thoughts and energy. It's hard not to. I think I may need to join a support group. A Sammy person I know, who has cancer, has invited me to hers. I think I need to do something. It's a lot to handle, and only people who have been through it can truly understand. Not that friends and family don't listen and hand back comforting words. We couldn't get through this without it. Michael, too, may want to find a group. I can't know exactly what he's going through, as I am on the opposite side. We talk about our feelings, but there is a piece missing that we each need to find.

Thank God for Ambien. The little white pill that lets you put your fears to rest for a few hours. (I don't use it all the time, just when I REALLY need to sleep and can't.) Don't try this at home without a doctor's permission.