Saturday, March 15, 2008

Is Ignorance Truly Bliss?

Thursday and Friday I didn't feel well and stayed home. My upper abdomen was pretty uncomfortable. Due to the illness or to stress or both, who knows. I spent the two days starting and finishing 'Dog Days' by Jon Katz, a nice book about dogs and animals. It was a nice diversion.

It's hard having your life on hold. I was terrified of knowing what could be the worst news of my life, yet the not knowing was so hard.

We got to the Dr. and he had just gotten the final pathology reports in. It wasn't the slow-growing pancreatic cancer we hoped for. It was the nasty version, Stage IV, that had spread to the liver and might be lurking elsewhere as well.

Through my tears and shock, we asked questions and listed as best we could to what he was telling us. Without treatment I'd go about 3 months. With treatment I might last up to around a year year. I'm not ready to go, I'm not going to sit back and wait.. So we discussed treatment.

Treatment involves a once a week infusion of a drug I don't remember the name of. Also there is another drug taken in pill form. The first makes you very tired, the second can give you acne. So much for the nice complexion I've had all my life. I will get a bone scan on Tuesday to see if there is anything in my bones, and then go to 'Chemo Class' where they explain how all this is going to happen.

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