Michael and I were doing something the other day and he asked me how I was feeling. I'm ALWAYS tired and said so, but told him I was just feeling crappy. He asked me what that meant exactly. I thought it was a good question. I had never really thought about it; just used that word.
There is no exact science to what feeling crappy is. This week it's been a 5-day headache, not pounding, but annoying. It can be chills. It can be muscle aches and cramps. Of course, it can be chemo 'hangover'. Sometimes it is my heart pounding very hard where I can almost feel a pulse in my body where there isn't one. It can be just the uncomfortableness of feeling really full in my stomach/throat and needing to burp. It can sometimes be a bit of nausea. Sometimes there is just a feeling in the core of my body that is aching--very hard to describe. I may feel a bit like I have some MS issues (leg fatigue, balance issues, even worse-than-normal chemo brain--if there can be such a thing). Crappy can just be the opposite of feeling good. I can't remember when I actually felt good, with no level of crappy. OK, enough whining.
I know that the fatigue (with cancer/chemo as with MS) can sometimes be invisible. The crappy can be invisible as well. Sometimes I push through the 'crappy' to do what's important to me, to Michael, and to others. Sometimes I just can't push and have to do the right thing for me. Believe me, if I have to cancel plans to something I've looked forward to, I'm just as bummed as Michael or anyone else.
I'm sure everyone has their own definition of crappy. This is mine. Feel free to send me yours. :-)
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3 comments:
The most regular crappy feeling arrives somewhat monthly for me. I get what I call 'luggy tummy'. Sometimes it feels like a big round stone balancing on my hips and pevic bone. Sometimes it just feels tight inside the stone-balancing area. Last month the stone was accompanied with a whirly headache and light sweating. I felt whoosy and had trouble focusing; I found myself breathing heavily. I felt like I wasn't walking straight, like I could easily topple. Fortunately, luggy tummy isn't always stones, headaches, and sweats. I try to remember there are two good things about luggy tummy (in order): 1. I'm not pregnant; 2. This will not last; tomorrow I'll feel different.
Are you sure you meant to ask? -ee
Crappy is when you wish you felt half as good as people tell you you look grin ds
That is such a great way to put it.
jr
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