Friday, September 12, 2008

R7D8 and Other Things

Yesterday was Round 7 Day 8. My counts were low, but high enough to get a full dosage. I also went in today and got a shot of Neulasta to help boost white cell counts. After that I went to the chiropractor (whom I haven't seen in WAY too long), and he said that a neck adjustment boosts the white cells by 200-400% for several hours. I will try to go in after each chemo.

Wednesday was my last official day at work. I still need to go through a few more things, but all my personal stuff is out. Many people stopped by during the day and I got many more emails. Some were quite emotional and came from unexpected people. I have been blown away by remembrances of conversations that really made a difference for people and for me. It was very bittersweet. Apparently we can have a bigger impact on people than we give ourselves credit for. It's been very humbling these last few days to learn this.

The other night Michael and I had a 'communication night'. Things were bothering him, we both got pissy and once we got done with that, we talked about it. He is feeling like he is already losing me. Even when we're together, I am often so tired, he feels alone. It is easy for me to turn inwards when I'm not feeling well. I've been spending time making plans to have lunch with friends on my good days. I need to realize that I can't completely spend myself for other people and not save anything for Michael and me. It was a good knock on the head.

It's ironic that I'm not working and feel like I have even less time for things. There are days where it is just easy to stand down and not put forth energy. There are also times when I push myself to do things that need to be done. I need to ask Michael what is important and he needs to tell me so that I can put energy where it is important for the two of us.

Good communication is difficult and it often initiates under tension, but we need to keep working on it.

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