I just read an article my mother sent me called 'Chemo World' written by an oncology nurse. It was very well written and showed the author's insight into this world.
I've been thinking about the 'Cancer World' I now live in. It's almost like a parallel universe. Everyone in this world understands medical terms most nonmedical people do not. Seeing 10 people hooked up to IVs in the treatment room is old hat. You start to recognize people, and I've even run into a dog-world acquaintance I've known for years who is in treatment. It was odd to see him outside our normal venue of dogs.
We've gotten to know several of the treatment nurses on a more personal basis, as they've gotten to know us. They were excited to hear we were getting married. They loved the pictures. We've developed relationships with the doctor, physician's assistant, and nurse practitioner along with the medical assistants, lab techs, and schedulers. The radiation tech gives me a hug when I go in for my scans since I helped them get their current accreditation.
Everyone has made an effort to know our names and ask how we are doing. The times when there have been tears, they have all been very solicitous and comforting.
I asked myself at the beginning why people would go into this field. How can the doctors give bad news to people day after day? They know that many of their patients have a finite amount of time left. I suppose they get an equal amount of giving good news as well. "You're in remission", must be heaven to those who get to hear that. It must be satisfying to the medical team to know that they played a part in helping someone get well. I suppose they must also get sad about the people they tried to help, but lost the fight.
I know that the people in cancer world are mostly compassionate, caring, and interesting people. Those who enter the world voluntarily as caregivers are angels sent here to help those of us who enter kicking and screaming and in shock.
It's not a world I ever considered I would enter. As one of the people who has an uncertain outcome, I am in this world not by choice. I have seen the good in people on both sides of the world. I have seen people do what they need to do because they are not ready to go. It's not an experience I asked for, but I appreciate it for what it has shown me.
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3 comments:
You've got some powerful insights here.
I've started to appreciate the term "cancer survivor" and what that means. I've also come to appreciate that every person's struggle is truly their own.
You are so right that those people who live in cancer world as caretakers and healers are remarkable. I don't know where they get their strength and compassion and keep from getting hard to it all. It just seems like everything hurts so much.
I guess it's glib or cliche to say that we all have a finite amount of time. Having a clearer idea of how much time you have left and how it'll end seems much more painful than being clueless (or in denial) as most of us are.
For all we know, you could outlive me--if that's any comfort.
That's a great insight as well. Most people are clueless or in denial about their time. Lately it weighs on mine a lot. jr
Being the morbid person that I am, I was dwelling on my death last night while trying to go to sleep. I had a rough time of it as I attempted to mollify myself by telling myself that the ugly part is actually the end of life--not death itself. But that didn’t work very well, and in the light of day, it doesn’t seem very comforting at all.
I'm not looking forward to it, no matter how it comes. But I think I'm starting to deal with the raw, animal fear of it--at least I like to delude myself into thinking so.
Then again, I may yet dissolve into hysterics if I was placed in a situation similar to yours.
Again, we spectators don't really know what it’s like for you unless we’ve walked that path ourselves.
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