Crying

I spent a good part of today in tears. It started after I got up and called the RMCC saying I'd had a fever two nights in a row. They said to come in at 2pm. I cried in the shower. Then I was able to contain myself until we left for the Dr. We ran over a prairie dog and I just started crying. I cried through the blood draw, the nurse saw I was upset and asked if we wanted to talk to the social worker. I said yes, and cried through that. Then the PA came in and I just kept on crying through her trying to find a reason for the fevers. I also cried through the urine sample and another round of bloodwork in the arm and port to see if I had contracted any bacteria at my last chemo. My favorite nurse (who did our chemo class) came to draw the blood. I love her. Everyone was very nice to me as they couldn't help but see that I was having a bit of a bad day.

In talking to the social worker, we learned that it's not uncommon for things to HIT awhile after diagnosis. We had the wedding to deal with, new chemo regimens, Las Vegas, and dog shows. Now we don't really have any plans. It's just a day-to-day thing.

We are going to take their '7 Steps to dealing with your illness' class. It starts Wed night, and next Monday we will go to the introduction. We will be with these same people for weeks as the class goes on. It deals with all aspects of people with cancer, their caregivers, friends, family, etc. I'm hoping that it will be helpful. An old friend who recently died of lung cancer, said it was helpful to her.

I'm not crying now, though I did just throw up the grilled-cheese sandwich I had on the way home. I think my abdomen was just in overload. Michael is happy I've cried. He thinks I've shed way too few tears, considering what's gone down the past three months. He says people need to know that I have severe emotion about this whole thing as do most of my friends, family, and even just acquaintances. I don't need to be strong all the time. I will try to communicate better with him when I am REALLY feeling bad, as opposed to the 'normal' bad I feel. I know I don't have to do this alone.

Thank you Michael and everyone else I saw today for letting me cry and being understanding. OK, I'm crying again.