It's really difficult to strike a balance between the two. We all want to be optimistic. A year ago I don't think we were that optimistic that I would still be here now. The realism part is that there is no forever for my situation. Other than that, I don't have any knowledge about what is to happen. I try to be optimistic that my good luck will hold out.
Of course, this comes up because I'm due to have a scan in a couple of weeks to see how the study drugs are working. I tell myself to live in the moment because I can't change what is to be. It is easier said than done sometimes.
My fiance from college died yesterday in Billings, MT while being treated for his second bout with lymphoma and working towards a bone-marrow transplant. He contacted me a couple of years ago after he had gotten sick the first time. He's had a hard life in many ways, mostly due to his abuse of alcohol. The last decade or more, he got sober and lived a quiet life in the country working for the county.
He said he looked for me because I was someone he had fond memories of. I thought that it sounded like he had paid plenty of penance in his life, and it would be interesting to re-establish contact all these years later. A few months later I started my battle with pancan. He had a lot of wisdom and encouragement to share with me because of having been through chemo and other life journies. He strongly urged me to live in the moment and let the past and the future go since they are uncontrollable in the present.
I have tried hard to do this, and sometimes I am successful. His encouragement, as someone who had taken the journey twice helped me a lot. I am grateful for his kindness and his wisdom. I hope I can make him proud.
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2 comments:
What a nice tribute to a dear friend. It sounds like re-establishing contact was good for both of you. I'm sorry things didn't work out well for him in life, but it sounds like he made peace with the hand he was dealt.
LL
I was just thinking about how we try to find our way amidst the arbitrary nature of the universe (the debate between free will and destiny). You are right in that there are things are beyond our control, so we do the best we can with the hand we're dealt. (Heard that cliche enough yet?)
Living in the moment is something we should do more of instead of wasting energy on ghosts haunting the mind.
I'm very glad that you two had some reconciliation and that his experience has been of use to you.
Keep on fighting. You are loved. All any of us can do is hold on to one another for as long as we can.
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