Thursday was the last chemo day in round 4. I had a really good week physically (after the Monday events). My sister was able to meet us after a couple of weeks of absence. And, another women in our 7 Steps of Healing workshop was there with her sons and daughter-in-law.
My white count was low and my platelets were at the cusp of no treatment, but they reduced the dosage instead. My INR (indicates thinness of the blood) was 7. A normal INR should be between 2 and 3. Fortunately, I had forgotten to take my Coumadin that morning. I'm instructed not to take any more until Monday, and then take only half a dose forever more. This happened after my DVT/PE after my car accident as well. I was instructed to keep an eye out for any blood in urine and stools and to please not jostle myself to any kind of bruising.
Thursday afternoon I had a fever and yesterday had that after-fever hangover feeling tired and weak. Today I'm a little better. Michael is playing in a pool tournament, so I may go to the store and just get out a bit.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
I did a good thing today. Last week the cancer center called me on the recommendation of my Dr. They needed a pancreatic cancer patient to do a very controlled CT scan to submit in pursuit of a prestigious accreditation. I said, sure what's a little barium and IV iodine contrast between friends?
The radiology tech met us at chemo last week to set up a time, and give me the barium and instructions. Then she thanked me so profusely, it was almost embarassing. I'd just done one a few weeks ago, I knew it wasn't that big of a deal.
So, this morning, I ate nothing, drank my first half of barium at 8am, then the second at 9am. My appointment was at 10am. As I'm walking in the door I see her waving wildly at me from inside. As I go in, I see she has a cup in her hand. I've never been met at the door by someone with a drink in their hand for me before. Oh, no, "not more barium", I said. She looked at me sympathetically. Since it had been an hour since my last barium fix, she wanted to make sure I was properly hyped up for the scan.
Then amidst more thank yous, I slowly guzzled my drink and asked her questions. I asked if they were having problems getting volunteers. She looked at me like I was nuts (not really), but asked how many people want to go through this if they don't have to? I was properly chastised. They apparently had already gotten the brain they needed, and I had the final pancreas.
After completing my barium cocktail, she then asked me to drink close to a pint of water (which was very cold). I finished that, put on the gown, and got on the table. Thankfully, she brought me a warm blanket. Then the IV went into the arm with no problem. I was ready to go.
After a couple of hold-your-breath scans without the contrast, they injected the iodine. It makes you warm all over and sometimes makes you think you've peed your pants. Not fun the first time it's done AND they forget to tell you that part.
A couple more hold-your-breath scans, and I was becoming nauseated. She asked me how I was doing and I told her. She ran to get a barf bucket and came to help me up. I heaved a few times and finally brought a little something up. She got me cold towels for my forehead. After lying there for a few minutes I felt better.
While I was getting dressed the tech told me the accreditation coordinator called and asked how it went. Apparently this was a REALLY big deal for them. She told me she confessed that she made me throw up. I said, "I must really like you, because I won't throw up for just anyone".
In honor of my heroic contribution to radiology at the RMCC, she let me take a magazine with me that I wanted to finish. She walked me to the door, gave me a hug, thanked me yet again, and told me she would call me when they got their certification. I went back to work.
Hours later I am still passing enough gas to fuel a Prius, and my stomach is still a bit iffy. Remember what they say in the military (so I've been told), "Never volunteer for anything".
The radiology tech met us at chemo last week to set up a time, and give me the barium and instructions. Then she thanked me so profusely, it was almost embarassing. I'd just done one a few weeks ago, I knew it wasn't that big of a deal.
So, this morning, I ate nothing, drank my first half of barium at 8am, then the second at 9am. My appointment was at 10am. As I'm walking in the door I see her waving wildly at me from inside. As I go in, I see she has a cup in her hand. I've never been met at the door by someone with a drink in their hand for me before. Oh, no, "not more barium", I said. She looked at me sympathetically. Since it had been an hour since my last barium fix, she wanted to make sure I was properly hyped up for the scan.
Then amidst more thank yous, I slowly guzzled my drink and asked her questions. I asked if they were having problems getting volunteers. She looked at me like I was nuts (not really), but asked how many people want to go through this if they don't have to? I was properly chastised. They apparently had already gotten the brain they needed, and I had the final pancreas.
After completing my barium cocktail, she then asked me to drink close to a pint of water (which was very cold). I finished that, put on the gown, and got on the table. Thankfully, she brought me a warm blanket. Then the IV went into the arm with no problem. I was ready to go.
After a couple of hold-your-breath scans without the contrast, they injected the iodine. It makes you warm all over and sometimes makes you think you've peed your pants. Not fun the first time it's done AND they forget to tell you that part.
A couple more hold-your-breath scans, and I was becoming nauseated. She asked me how I was doing and I told her. She ran to get a barf bucket and came to help me up. I heaved a few times and finally brought a little something up. She got me cold towels for my forehead. After lying there for a few minutes I felt better.
While I was getting dressed the tech told me the accreditation coordinator called and asked how it went. Apparently this was a REALLY big deal for them. She told me she confessed that she made me throw up. I said, "I must really like you, because I won't throw up for just anyone".
In honor of my heroic contribution to radiology at the RMCC, she let me take a magazine with me that I wanted to finish. She walked me to the door, gave me a hug, thanked me yet again, and told me she would call me when they got their certification. I went back to work.
Hours later I am still passing enough gas to fuel a Prius, and my stomach is still a bit iffy. Remember what they say in the military (so I've been told), "Never volunteer for anything".
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Gardening and Rockies Game
One of my dear sisters came over early on Saturday morning (we're not early people) to help me weed the garden. Michael did the mowing and spraying of the rest of the property. We got a lot done in ~4 hours. I cut back the foliage along the front sidewalk so that people can actually walk to the front door from the driveway without getting their clothes snagged. My sister finished clearing the rose garden. I re-weeded the corner along the sidewalk to the front porch. We started loading the cleanup into the truck. It all looks so nice now. The flowers are gorgeous.
Unfortunately I got a fever later that afternoon. Slept for about 4 hours. I was really hoping that I wouldn't have too many after effects today as my sisters and I had planned to go to the Rockies game as a joint celebration of our birthdays.
I felt pretty good and we met at my sister's house in Thornton. I got to see all the work she got done on her patio which I missed because I was either sick or grooming the dog for a show. My sister who helped me weed, managed to get tickets on the club level just under the roof with the sun at our backs. I was so grateful for that. The sky clouded and we even had some breeze. A great day for a game. Unfortunately, they scored one run, albeit a really nice homer, to lose 1 to 3. Michael did more spraying and mowing until it got too hot.
Michael and I just got back from a little dinner and took a nice stroll down the street. It was a perfect evening to do more yard work, but...
I asked for a nice birthday weekend, and I got one. I've been eating, feeling tired, but overall OK (except for that rogue fever). So, I'm assuming I'll be going to work tomorrow. We shall see.
Unfortunately I got a fever later that afternoon. Slept for about 4 hours. I was really hoping that I wouldn't have too many after effects today as my sisters and I had planned to go to the Rockies game as a joint celebration of our birthdays.
I felt pretty good and we met at my sister's house in Thornton. I got to see all the work she got done on her patio which I missed because I was either sick or grooming the dog for a show. My sister who helped me weed, managed to get tickets on the club level just under the roof with the sun at our backs. I was so grateful for that. The sky clouded and we even had some breeze. A great day for a game. Unfortunately, they scored one run, albeit a really nice homer, to lose 1 to 3. Michael did more spraying and mowing until it got too hot.
Michael and I just got back from a little dinner and took a nice stroll down the street. It was a perfect evening to do more yard work, but...
I asked for a nice birthday weekend, and I got one. I've been eating, feeling tired, but overall OK (except for that rogue fever). So, I'm assuming I'll be going to work tomorrow. We shall see.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Birthdays
Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 52 now. The day started like any other birthday would. We made the 40-minute drive into Boulder and then back so that I could apend 20 minutes getting more blood drawn from my arm and my port.
After that I took a nap. Then Michael took me to see the new movie 'Get Smart'. I thought it was good. Obviously it's not quite the same without Don Adams, but it was OK. Then we went home for a little while so Michael could work. He asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner. Later I decided that my mind wanted to go to Old Chicago, but I wasn't sure how my body felt about it. So, we went, and I ate pretty good surprisingly. Then we watched a movie.
A pretty average day. But very nice. No fever, good appetite. Most women would say they don't want anymore birthdays. Not me. I'm hoping for all I can get.
After that I took a nap. Then Michael took me to see the new movie 'Get Smart'. I thought it was good. Obviously it's not quite the same without Don Adams, but it was OK. Then we went home for a little while so Michael could work. He asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner. Later I decided that my mind wanted to go to Old Chicago, but I wasn't sure how my body felt about it. So, we went, and I ate pretty good surprisingly. Then we watched a movie.
A pretty average day. But very nice. No fever, good appetite. Most women would say they don't want anymore birthdays. Not me. I'm hoping for all I can get.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
A Tough Week
It's been a tough week. Very emotional, very difficult. Michael and I are working hard to figure out how to deal with this both separately and together. We started the '7 Steps to Healing' workshop last night. I am looking forward to learning from this.
I started trying to figure out what I need to do to go from short-term disability to long-term disability and what income that will provide. It's difficult to find someone who can provide all the information. I will not get a 90-day period of time where I won't miss work to continue another round of short-term, so at some point my Ball Aerospace days will be over. I'd at least like to get past my 30th anniversary date in late August.
Today was R4D8. Talked with the Dr. for awhile. Chemo went fine. Love the port. Just as we got home, the Dr. office called and said that the culture from my port that they had taken Monday, after I had gone in because of the fevers, had grown some bacteria. So, rather than have to go back today, I will go in tomorrow morning for another blood draw from the port. Then I will start taking an antibiotic. Then we shall see.
One of my sisters is coming over on Saturday to help me with weeding the flower garden. Bless her heart. Sunday, all of my sisters, along with an honorary friend/sister are going to the Rockies game to celebrate our birthdays. One last November, 2 in May, and mine tomorrow. We paid more money so that we could have decent seats. I don't think I could survive broiling in the sun all afternoon. Cross fingers and toes that I'm feeling well.
It's been a tough week, but I think Michael and I have learned a few things, worked out a few things, and we can move forward again. The Dr. did validate Michael's thoughts that I am allowed to have a meltdown once in awhile and that it is a healthy thing to do. I'll try not to do it too frequently. It takes a lot out of a girl.
Here's to moving on.
I started trying to figure out what I need to do to go from short-term disability to long-term disability and what income that will provide. It's difficult to find someone who can provide all the information. I will not get a 90-day period of time where I won't miss work to continue another round of short-term, so at some point my Ball Aerospace days will be over. I'd at least like to get past my 30th anniversary date in late August.
Today was R4D8. Talked with the Dr. for awhile. Chemo went fine. Love the port. Just as we got home, the Dr. office called and said that the culture from my port that they had taken Monday, after I had gone in because of the fevers, had grown some bacteria. So, rather than have to go back today, I will go in tomorrow morning for another blood draw from the port. Then I will start taking an antibiotic. Then we shall see.
One of my sisters is coming over on Saturday to help me with weeding the flower garden. Bless her heart. Sunday, all of my sisters, along with an honorary friend/sister are going to the Rockies game to celebrate our birthdays. One last November, 2 in May, and mine tomorrow. We paid more money so that we could have decent seats. I don't think I could survive broiling in the sun all afternoon. Cross fingers and toes that I'm feeling well.
It's been a tough week, but I think Michael and I have learned a few things, worked out a few things, and we can move forward again. The Dr. did validate Michael's thoughts that I am allowed to have a meltdown once in awhile and that it is a healthy thing to do. I'll try not to do it too frequently. It takes a lot out of a girl.
Here's to moving on.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Crying
I spent a good part of today in tears. It started after I got up and called the RMCC saying I'd had a fever two nights in a row. They said to come in at 2pm. I cried in the shower. Then I was able to contain myself until we left for the Dr. We ran over a prairie dog and I just started crying. I cried through the blood draw, the nurse saw I was upset and asked if we wanted to talk to the social worker. I said yes, and cried through that. Then the PA came in and I just kept on crying through her trying to find a reason for the fevers. I also cried through the urine sample and another round of bloodwork in the arm and port to see if I had contracted any bacteria at my last chemo. My favorite nurse (who did our chemo class) came to draw the blood. I love her. Everyone was very nice to me as they couldn't help but see that I was having a bit of a bad day.
In talking to the social worker, we learned that it's not uncommon for things to HIT awhile after diagnosis. We had the wedding to deal with, new chemo regimens, Las Vegas, and dog shows. Now we don't really have any plans. It's just a day-to-day thing.
We are going to take their '7 Steps to dealing with your illness' class. It starts Wed night, and next Monday we will go to the introduction. We will be with these same people for weeks as the class goes on. It deals with all aspects of people with cancer, their caregivers, friends, family, etc. I'm hoping that it will be helpful. An old friend who recently died of lung cancer, said it was helpful to her.
I'm not crying now, though I did just throw up the grilled-cheese sandwich I had on the way home. I think my abdomen was just in overload. Michael is happy I've cried. He thinks I've shed way too few tears, considering what's gone down the past three months. He says people need to know that I have severe emotion about this whole thing as do most of my friends, family, and even just acquaintances. I don't need to be strong all the time. I will try to communicate better with him when I am REALLY feeling bad, as opposed to the 'normal' bad I feel. I know I don't have to do this alone.
Thank you Michael and everyone else I saw today for letting me cry and being understanding. OK, I'm crying again.
In talking to the social worker, we learned that it's not uncommon for things to HIT awhile after diagnosis. We had the wedding to deal with, new chemo regimens, Las Vegas, and dog shows. Now we don't really have any plans. It's just a day-to-day thing.
We are going to take their '7 Steps to dealing with your illness' class. It starts Wed night, and next Monday we will go to the introduction. We will be with these same people for weeks as the class goes on. It deals with all aspects of people with cancer, their caregivers, friends, family, etc. I'm hoping that it will be helpful. An old friend who recently died of lung cancer, said it was helpful to her.
I'm not crying now, though I did just throw up the grilled-cheese sandwich I had on the way home. I think my abdomen was just in overload. Michael is happy I've cried. He thinks I've shed way too few tears, considering what's gone down the past three months. He says people need to know that I have severe emotion about this whole thing as do most of my friends, family, and even just acquaintances. I don't need to be strong all the time. I will try to communicate better with him when I am REALLY feeling bad, as opposed to the 'normal' bad I feel. I know I don't have to do this alone.
Thank you Michael and everyone else I saw today for letting me cry and being understanding. OK, I'm crying again.
Why Me?
I had a 'Why Me' meltdown last night. Poor Michael. We had been sleeping apart so that I wouldn't make him sick when I had the cold. Good planning on my part, as I knew I wouldn't be able to take care of him. Sleeping apart can put a huge distance in your relationship. He came back to the master room last night. I missed having him there to talk to before I go to sleep. I didn't miss the snoring, but have good ear plugs. We started talking and I started my meltdown. Despite what he thinks, it had nothing to do with him, it was just about me.
I think that since we got good news on the scan, now we know what the future (however long that is) looks like. I think it's pretty scary. I've had fevers the past two nights. I've felt like crap. If I feel this bad after day one, how am I going to feel after day 15? When am I going to go back to work? When will I feel well enough to pull weeds, cut down treess, and the other things that need to get done?
I haven't self-indulged much since this all began. I think I'm entitled. Of course the obvious answer is 'Why not me?'
I think that since we got good news on the scan, now we know what the future (however long that is) looks like. I think it's pretty scary. I've had fevers the past two nights. I've felt like crap. If I feel this bad after day one, how am I going to feel after day 15? When am I going to go back to work? When will I feel well enough to pull weeds, cut down treess, and the other things that need to get done?
I haven't self-indulged much since this all began. I think I'm entitled. Of course the obvious answer is 'Why not me?'
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Round 4, Day 1
Thursday was R4D1. We used the new port. I still get a stick, but it's quick and not nearly as bad as getting an IV in. I felt pretty good on Friday. Saturday went to a noon wedding. By 2:30 was feeling pretty tired. Didn't eat much at the reception. By the time I got home I wondered if I'd be able to walk from the car to the house. Went to bed with really bad chills. Woke up at 8:30. Took my temp: 100.9. Was up for an hour, drank an Ensure and went back to bed.
I don't have a temperature today so far. I don't know why I would have one yesterday. It shows me I just won't ever know what to expect from this journey. It defines itself, I do not define it. I'm really glad I got to the wedding. It was just beautiful. Today I will take it easy, even though major yard work is staring me in the face.
Priorities.
I don't have a temperature today so far. I don't know why I would have one yesterday. It shows me I just won't ever know what to expect from this journey. It defines itself, I do not define it. I'm really glad I got to the wedding. It was just beautiful. Today I will take it easy, even though major yard work is staring me in the face.
Priorities.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Port
Port has many meanings. It is a class of very sweet wines, mostly dark-red; the left side of a ship; a data connection area on a computer; a geographical area that forms a harbor; the raised center portion on a bit for horses; and an opening, as in a cylinder or valve face, for the passage of steam or fluid.
I now have the latter. The procedure went well. The ironic thing is that it took 3 tries to get an IV in to place the port so I won't have to have IVs anymore. I now have a bulge right underneath my right clavicle. I hope that my clothes will cover it up. Though, as a friend said, it's not like people don't already know what's going on, so why try to hide it. :-)
I didn't go to work today as it's pretty sore. I'm planning to work tomorrow, and then will start round 4 of chemo on Thursday.
Since I haven't had chemo for two weeks, and am pretty much done with the cold, I have an appetite now. Friends gave us a really nice gift certificate to The Flagstaff House (a REALLY NICE restaurant), so we figured now would be the time. We can celebrate both our birthdays in high style as well as the good news from the scan.
Thursday it's back to the new normal.
I now have the latter. The procedure went well. The ironic thing is that it took 3 tries to get an IV in to place the port so I won't have to have IVs anymore. I now have a bulge right underneath my right clavicle. I hope that my clothes will cover it up. Though, as a friend said, it's not like people don't already know what's going on, so why try to hide it. :-)
I didn't go to work today as it's pretty sore. I'm planning to work tomorrow, and then will start round 4 of chemo on Thursday.
Since I haven't had chemo for two weeks, and am pretty much done with the cold, I have an appetite now. Friends gave us a really nice gift certificate to The Flagstaff House (a REALLY NICE restaurant), so we figured now would be the time. We can celebrate both our birthdays in high style as well as the good news from the scan.
Thursday it's back to the new normal.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Oh, Happy Day!
Remember the gospel group that sang that song? That's what's going through my head today.
The scan results show shrinkage in the primary pancreatic tumor and the major tumors on the liver. The smaller tumors on the liver can hardly be seen. My tumor marker has gone from almost 10,000 to 47 in 3 months. It's now in the normal range. No new areas of concern are showing and nothing has gotten any bigger.
I've been pretty stressed out the last couple of days. Even when he showed us the scans and went over the results, I wouldn't let myself believe it at first. I guess I had prepared myself for bad news. It's taken most of the day to sink in. I just called my Mom. She said "don't forget you have Grandma Halloran's genes to help." I told her "Then I'll be the first 90-yr old woman who has had pancreatic cancer for 40 years."
The Dr. was thrilled with the results. Of course, they never get all giddy with you, but I could tell he was pretty happy. So, we will continue on the same chemo course and hope it will continue to work this well. Monday I will get a port installed which will also mean that I will probably have to go on low dose blood thinners. I'll have to be careful about brusing and bleeding. In three more months I will have another scan to see where we are again.
I'm not thrilled about the continuing chemo part, but I know what it's going to be like, and I can live with that. I have no choice. I'm so happy to be able to plan further out in the future.
Oh, Happy Day!
The scan results show shrinkage in the primary pancreatic tumor and the major tumors on the liver. The smaller tumors on the liver can hardly be seen. My tumor marker has gone from almost 10,000 to 47 in 3 months. It's now in the normal range. No new areas of concern are showing and nothing has gotten any bigger.
I've been pretty stressed out the last couple of days. Even when he showed us the scans and went over the results, I wouldn't let myself believe it at first. I guess I had prepared myself for bad news. It's taken most of the day to sink in. I just called my Mom. She said "don't forget you have Grandma Halloran's genes to help." I told her "Then I'll be the first 90-yr old woman who has had pancreatic cancer for 40 years."
The Dr. was thrilled with the results. Of course, they never get all giddy with you, but I could tell he was pretty happy. So, we will continue on the same chemo course and hope it will continue to work this well. Monday I will get a port installed which will also mean that I will probably have to go on low dose blood thinners. I'll have to be careful about brusing and bleeding. In three more months I will have another scan to see where we are again.
I'm not thrilled about the continuing chemo part, but I know what it's going to be like, and I can live with that. I have no choice. I'm so happy to be able to plan further out in the future.
Oh, Happy Day!
Monday, June 2, 2008
Song Loop In My Head
For days I've had the lyrics below going through my head. Over and over.
"Kiss From A Rose", by Seal
...But did you know, that when it snows, my eyes become large
and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, The more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain, my power, my pleasure, my pain...
I suppose there are all kinds of ways to interpret this. It sounds kind of dark, but that's not how I feel when it's going through my head. I've had songs stick with me for a day, but never one for days. It's kind of weird.
I guess the lucky thing is that I like that song.
"Kiss From A Rose", by Seal
...But did you know, that when it snows, my eyes become large
and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, The more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain, my power, my pleasure, my pain...
I suppose there are all kinds of ways to interpret this. It sounds kind of dark, but that's not how I feel when it's going through my head. I've had songs stick with me for a day, but never one for days. It's kind of weird.
I guess the lucky thing is that I like that song.
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