I've lived alone for the majority of my adult life. I've always been independent. I put myself through school, bought two houses on my own, travelled, kept a good job, participated in non-work-related activities, had friends, and was rarely lonely.
Michael is in San Diego until Monday for the APA Women's Professional Billiards Association tournament. He and his best friend go every year. I went one year, and it's pretty awesome to watch these women play.
So, I am here with the dogs and cats. It's quiet. There's no commotion like there is when Michael is here (in a good way). I didn't have to fight with the cats for space in the bed, as there was a whole side unused.
I never thought I'd really get used to living with someone else, but I have. I've always liked having some alone time--I still need some space. Now it is lonely being here by myself with no one to talk to. No commotion. It's even a little scary being here alone with the war that is going on inside my body. Strange how perspectives change.
My wedding team is coming over tonight to look at my dress. It will be good to have company. I have talked to many people on the phone. I think that if I felt better, I'd be doing way more around the house. Not feeling very well makes me feel a bit isolated.
Tomorrow I will go into town and run a couple of errands, go to the chiropractor, get my hair cut, and take my brother grocery shopping. I'm sure that will perk me up. It's easy to go to the dark side, where there isn't much distraction.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
jane,
I miss and love you too!
Mike
I keep trying to leave you comments, but am blog disabled! I'll try again. I think of you often, Jane, and look forward to your being back to work. I appreciate your sense of humor through all this. It is very good medicine by the way. Norman Cousins has written a book about it.
Jane - Was sent your blog site and wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you! Your blog - what a great way to give yourself therapy, your friends therapy and help anyone else going through the same thing! As a daughter of someone who went through cancer/chemo/radiation - I know that a sense of humor is a powerful antidote. Good luck with your upcoming wedding - very exciting! I'm sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! Tammy osborne
Tammy - thanks for the encouragement. jr
Breathing in and out.
Oxygen is such a beautiful substance. We take it for granted. But our brain loves oxygen. When it gets a nice big dose of oxygen, our neurotransmitters arc tiny millivolts of electricity across the millions of little synapses, the brain's own opium, endorphins, are released along with dopamine, and relaxation comes over us like a nice warm fuzzy blanket.
It times of anxiety and sleeplessness, it's time to breathe in and out. Start by filling your lungs with all the air you can by breathing in through your nose. Then hold your your breath for a count of seven. Then purse your lips together and blow out with a controlled stream of air, as though you were blowing into a balloon. Let it make a little jet noise while doing it. Blow long and gentle until your lungs are absolutely empty and your diaphragm compressed in your chest. Count to five. Then breath in again through your nose again until your lungs are once again filled to capacity. Continue to do this exercise until you are calm again. Repeat as often as you like. Oxygen is there for the taking.
Post a Comment