Some, or maybe many, of you have heard of Randy Pausch and his book The Last Lecture. My father called me to tell me Dianne Sawyer was going to do an interview show on him and that I might want to record it and watch. That was the first I'd heard of him. Then, a couple of friends emailed to tell me about him as well. I've just finished reading his book. It's a very easy read.
He is a college professor who has terminal pancreatic cancer. He gave the 'last lecture' at his university which is a tradition where someone is invited to give the last lecture of the school year. You can watch it at http://youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo (about an hour). He also did the commencement address at Carnegie Mellon http://youtube.com/watch?v=RcYv5x6gZTA&feature=user (6.5 minutes).
He's very inspiring. He has a look out on the world (and has for most of his life) that should be a touchstone to us. He manages to eloquently speak many of the same things I've learned and believe. Though, I have to say, I did not write a 'dream' list when I was a child. But I did have the dream to go to Africa and I fulfilled that one twice.
I'm learning even more about what's important. It doesn't matter whether I go to the dog show this weekend--even tho two good friends came over and bathed and groomed him for us. At least they brought an extra marguerita for Michael. :-P The important thing is that I probably stay home, don't pick up anymore 'bugs', and don't infect anyone else. They can take him, have a good time, and I will be happy with how he does, regardless of the outcome.
Anyway, check out Randy if you have a moment. I have the book if anyone local wants to borrow it. Everything he has to say is relevant whether you have 3-6 months to live (he's past that at 9 now), or whether you will live to be 100. It's not a downer, it's very uplifting.
Enjoy!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
No Chemo Today
Due to my cold, my lowered white count, and lowered platelets, I did not get chemo today. Getting chemo when you are already sick can push things to a bad place. I'm on an antibiotic to ensure that my cold doesn't develop into pneumonia.
Thankfully, I can still have my scan on Tuesday, see the Dr. on Thursday, and then have my next chemo treatment. Don't know if this counts as my week off or how the upcoming schedule will look.
So, assuming the cold/cough clears, I should have a nice weekend and first part of next week.
Thankfully, I can still have my scan on Tuesday, see the Dr. on Thursday, and then have my next chemo treatment. Don't know if this counts as my week off or how the upcoming schedule will look.
So, assuming the cold/cough clears, I should have a nice weekend and first part of next week.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
To Chemo or Not To Chemo?
That is the question. I'm still in the throes of a monster cold. I've done nothing but sit around for two days using up boxes of kleenex and watching TV. I'm now caught up on Lost, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and ER.
I don't know if they will give you chemo if you are sick with a cold. If not, then that will probably mean I have to put off my CT scan for another week. I hope not. We will find out tomorrow.
It sounds weird, but I really want to have chemo tomorrow so I can get my CT scan next week. The suspense is killing me.
But, as Mick J said, "You don't always get what you want,... but you just might find you get what you need."
I don't know if they will give you chemo if you are sick with a cold. If not, then that will probably mean I have to put off my CT scan for another week. I hope not. We will find out tomorrow.
It sounds weird, but I really want to have chemo tomorrow so I can get my CT scan next week. The suspense is killing me.
But, as Mick J said, "You don't always get what you want,... but you just might find you get what you need."
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Fevers and Coughing and Chills, Oh My!
I spent 7 hours in the emergency room Saturday night. Last Monday I started getting a scratchy, irritated throat. I thought maybe it was allergies since I had been out in the flower beds pulling weeds. Thursday the Dr. said my throat looked fine. Friday, I somewhat lost my voice off and on and started coughing.
Saturday I slept in until around 10. Got up and made the bed for our housesitter for Sunday night. Then I peeled an egg and made some toast with peanut butter. Looked at it and threw it out and drank an Ensure. I sat in the living room chair for awhile and just did nothing but cough and feel drained. I went back to bed at 12:30 and got up at 4:00 as I had to bathe and dry Kohbi for the show in Laramie.
Getting ready for that and going up and down the stairs was like moving in slow motion and it was harder to breathe under exertion. It was all I could do to get everything in place. Michael was helping my sisters lay patio stones at one of their houses. I got Kohlbi bathed and mostly dry, after drinking another Ensure after the bath.
Michael came home and I told him he would have to put everything away--I didn't have the strength. I took a shower and then we went to the local hospital emergency room. The center of my chest felt heavy. I really didn't think I had a cardiace problem, but I was concerned I might have pneumonia, as my white counts were down.
I did have a fever of over 101, which for chemo patients is not great. My blood pressure was low (even lower than normal). I gave them my symptions and my history, including the cancer, chemo, and blood clots. My D-Dimer (for blood clots) came out high, so they had to do a chest CAT scan to rule out clots. No clots. I had a chest x-ray. No pneumonia. I had an EKG. It was not normal, so they wanted to compare it to a previous one at Boulder Community Hospital. That took forever. That EKG was abnormal as well. I guess I'm just normally abnormal.
The doctor, nurses, and technicians were all very nice. After all that, I probably had a bronchial infection. I had a nebulizer treatment. I couldn't produce any sputum into my mouth that they could analyze for bacterial or viral origin. I went home with an inhaler and a a 5-day antibiotic.
We got 4 hours of sleep before having to get up on Sunday to get ready to go to Laramie. Thankfully we didn't show until 3:00 or would have had to blow off that day.
I felt a little better, but not much. I got Kohlbi combed out, my breeder trimmed his feet, we finished packing and took off about 10:30. Had to stop in Ft. Collins to get my prescription filled. The pharmacist couldn't read the doctor's name. I had to call the housesitter and have her look at the paperwork. What should have taken 15 minutes, took almost 45.
We got to Laramie about 1:00. Plenty of time. Unloaded and set up and then sat for awhile. I was exhausted. Finally got him ready for the ring and went over and sat and waited. Kohlbi won his class but that was it. We got an invitation to dinner, but by then I was feeling like I was walking through water. We went out for a quick dinner near the hotel. I was sure I had a fever again--I was really chilled and shivering. Finally ate some fish (after not eating much for two days) and checked into the hotel. Took some Advil and got under the covers.
Monday morning I felt a little better. Had breakfast with a dog friend. Got Kohlbi ready to show and he got a 3-pt major with best of winners. He now has 10 points, and only needs 5 single points since he now has 3 majors (only needs two). That helped me feel better. We packed up and left town and drove down Hwy 287 in rain and thick fog for about the first half our. Then things cleared up.
The high of the win was wearing off and I started to feel really fatigued. We went to a friend's birthday party for a little while, then came home and crashed. But I couldn't sleep. I was chilled, the dog had to go out, I had to pee a zillion times, Michael snored. I woke up the morning with a raucous chest and head cold. I didn't want to go into work and cough all over the place or catch something else while my system is down.
Today I am resting and doing nothing. I hope that chemo goes well on Thursday. We have another dog show in Longmont this weekend. I told my breeder I may need help with Kohlbi if I'm not feeling well. The third treatment in a round is tough.
I'm trying to balance illness and my life. I think this weekend was a little off balance. Hopefully we'll get it better from here.
Saturday I slept in until around 10. Got up and made the bed for our housesitter for Sunday night. Then I peeled an egg and made some toast with peanut butter. Looked at it and threw it out and drank an Ensure. I sat in the living room chair for awhile and just did nothing but cough and feel drained. I went back to bed at 12:30 and got up at 4:00 as I had to bathe and dry Kohbi for the show in Laramie.
Getting ready for that and going up and down the stairs was like moving in slow motion and it was harder to breathe under exertion. It was all I could do to get everything in place. Michael was helping my sisters lay patio stones at one of their houses. I got Kohlbi bathed and mostly dry, after drinking another Ensure after the bath.
Michael came home and I told him he would have to put everything away--I didn't have the strength. I took a shower and then we went to the local hospital emergency room. The center of my chest felt heavy. I really didn't think I had a cardiace problem, but I was concerned I might have pneumonia, as my white counts were down.
I did have a fever of over 101, which for chemo patients is not great. My blood pressure was low (even lower than normal). I gave them my symptions and my history, including the cancer, chemo, and blood clots. My D-Dimer (for blood clots) came out high, so they had to do a chest CAT scan to rule out clots. No clots. I had a chest x-ray. No pneumonia. I had an EKG. It was not normal, so they wanted to compare it to a previous one at Boulder Community Hospital. That took forever. That EKG was abnormal as well. I guess I'm just normally abnormal.
The doctor, nurses, and technicians were all very nice. After all that, I probably had a bronchial infection. I had a nebulizer treatment. I couldn't produce any sputum into my mouth that they could analyze for bacterial or viral origin. I went home with an inhaler and a a 5-day antibiotic.
We got 4 hours of sleep before having to get up on Sunday to get ready to go to Laramie. Thankfully we didn't show until 3:00 or would have had to blow off that day.
I felt a little better, but not much. I got Kohlbi combed out, my breeder trimmed his feet, we finished packing and took off about 10:30. Had to stop in Ft. Collins to get my prescription filled. The pharmacist couldn't read the doctor's name. I had to call the housesitter and have her look at the paperwork. What should have taken 15 minutes, took almost 45.
We got to Laramie about 1:00. Plenty of time. Unloaded and set up and then sat for awhile. I was exhausted. Finally got him ready for the ring and went over and sat and waited. Kohlbi won his class but that was it. We got an invitation to dinner, but by then I was feeling like I was walking through water. We went out for a quick dinner near the hotel. I was sure I had a fever again--I was really chilled and shivering. Finally ate some fish (after not eating much for two days) and checked into the hotel. Took some Advil and got under the covers.
Monday morning I felt a little better. Had breakfast with a dog friend. Got Kohlbi ready to show and he got a 3-pt major with best of winners. He now has 10 points, and only needs 5 single points since he now has 3 majors (only needs two). That helped me feel better. We packed up and left town and drove down Hwy 287 in rain and thick fog for about the first half our. Then things cleared up.
The high of the win was wearing off and I started to feel really fatigued. We went to a friend's birthday party for a little while, then came home and crashed. But I couldn't sleep. I was chilled, the dog had to go out, I had to pee a zillion times, Michael snored. I woke up the morning with a raucous chest and head cold. I didn't want to go into work and cough all over the place or catch something else while my system is down.
Today I am resting and doing nothing. I hope that chemo goes well on Thursday. We have another dog show in Longmont this weekend. I told my breeder I may need help with Kohlbi if I'm not feeling well. The third treatment in a round is tough.
I'm trying to balance illness and my life. I think this weekend was a little off balance. Hopefully we'll get it better from here.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Round 3, Day 8
We went in today for chemo. The Dr. said my platelets were good, but white cell count a bit low. May have to adjust dosage next week. My third treatment is next week. After that I will get another CAT scan. During my week off I will meet with the Dr. to go over results and status where I am at. He says I'm doing really well. My CA19-9 has gone from 9,000 to 57, 3 points above the top of the normal range. He is optimistic that my scan will show progress of some kind or another. Perhaps tumor shrinkage, slow-down of growth, or maybe even some of them gone. I'm very anxious to find out how I am doing.
If things look good, I'm definitely going to get a port. It took two very painful sticks today to get in a vein. I still have bruises up my vein in the arm from last week. After next Thursday, I'm done with chemo in a new vein each week. Plus, the medication is very hard on the veins.
I've had a scratchy throat all week, but Dr. said it looks fine. I think it's probably allergy related since I've been pulling weeds in the flower gardens. Kind of lost my voice tonight. I've enjoyed doing the weeding. I put on my ipod, rock to the music and pull weeds. It's very therapeutic, as I can just put other things out of my head. And, the flower beds look nicer.
I got the usual headache and slept for a few hours. Wouldn't you know, that today would have been a great local storm-chasing day, and I missed out. Dang!
If things look good, I'm definitely going to get a port. It took two very painful sticks today to get in a vein. I still have bruises up my vein in the arm from last week. After next Thursday, I'm done with chemo in a new vein each week. Plus, the medication is very hard on the veins.
I've had a scratchy throat all week, but Dr. said it looks fine. I think it's probably allergy related since I've been pulling weeds in the flower gardens. Kind of lost my voice tonight. I've enjoyed doing the weeding. I put on my ipod, rock to the music and pull weeds. It's very therapeutic, as I can just put other things out of my head. And, the flower beds look nicer.
I got the usual headache and slept for a few hours. Wouldn't you know, that today would have been a great local storm-chasing day, and I missed out. Dang!
Monday, May 19, 2008
A Hope for a 'New Normal'
I think (but I could be wrong) that we are kind of settling into a 'new normal'. We are through the start of chemo, medication adjustments, other problems, the wedding, visitors, Albuquerque, etc. My plan is to work Mondays thru Wednesdays. During my week off chemo, I will work 5 days if I am up to it. It will be good to have some kind of regular schedule.
I am realistic enough to know that this could all be blown out of the water. My hope is that we have this chance to finish thank-you notes, get caught up on yard work, go to the dog club meeting, play pool, spend time with the 4-legged children, and just relax.
I am thinking about meeting my trainer on Friday afternoons for a light work-out. I feel I am losing some strength. I need to do something on a more regular basis. Easy things I can do at home. I hope she will take me back.
I accept my situation and am making the best of it. A little 'new normal' is all I'm asking for. At least for awhile.
I am realistic enough to know that this could all be blown out of the water. My hope is that we have this chance to finish thank-you notes, get caught up on yard work, go to the dog club meeting, play pool, spend time with the 4-legged children, and just relax.
I am thinking about meeting my trainer on Friday afternoons for a light work-out. I feel I am losing some strength. I need to do something on a more regular basis. Easy things I can do at home. I hope she will take me back.
I accept my situation and am making the best of it. A little 'new normal' is all I'm asking for. At least for awhile.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Round 3, Day 1
Yesterday was day 1 of round 3 of chemo. My counts were a little low, but not enough to change treatment. I can't use the veins in my left hand now. The hand stays sore for a long time. We used a vein in the right arm. If things look good after the CAT scan in 3 weeks, I may get a port. It's very painful to get these needles, and then if they have to move it around or do it again, it's just not fun.
I got the usual chills and headache, but slept for 4 hours. Today I just feel kind of drugged. I'm having a pelvic ultrasound today. I've been getting an intermittent knife-sharp pain when I bend over a certain way. The Dr. took out my IUD (I don't need it anymore anyyway), but that didn't do the trick. Hopefully it's just scar tissue or something.
Always a new adventure.
I got the usual chills and headache, but slept for 4 hours. Today I just feel kind of drugged. I'm having a pelvic ultrasound today. I've been getting an intermittent knife-sharp pain when I bend over a certain way. The Dr. took out my IUD (I don't need it anymore anyyway), but that didn't do the trick. Hopefully it's just scar tissue or something.
Always a new adventure.
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