Round 3, Day 8

We went in today for chemo. The Dr. said my platelets were good, but white cell count a bit low. May have to adjust dosage next week. My third treatment is next week. After that I will get another CAT scan. During my week off I will meet with the Dr. to go over results and status where I am at. He says I'm doing really well. My CA19-9 has gone from 9,000 to 57, 3 points above the top of the normal range. He is optimistic that my scan will show progress of some kind or another. Perhaps tumor shrinkage, slow-down of growth, or maybe even some of them gone. I'm very anxious to find out how I am doing.

If things look good, I'm definitely going to get a port. It took two very painful sticks today to get in a vein. I still have bruises up my vein in the arm from last week. After next Thursday, I'm done with chemo in a new vein each week. Plus, the medication is very hard on the veins.

I've had a scratchy throat all week, but Dr. said it looks fine. I think it's probably allergy related since I've been pulling weeds in the flower gardens. Kind of lost my voice tonight. I've enjoyed doing the weeding. I put on my ipod, rock to the music and pull weeds. It's very therapeutic, as I can just put other things out of my head. And, the flower beds look nicer.

I got the usual headache and slept for a few hours. Wouldn't you know, that today would have been a great local storm-chasing day, and I missed out. Dang!

A Hope for a 'New Normal'

I think (but I could be wrong) that we are kind of settling into a 'new normal'. We are through the start of chemo, medication adjustments, other problems, the wedding, visitors, Albuquerque, etc. My plan is to work Mondays thru Wednesdays. During my week off chemo, I will work 5 days if I am up to it. It will be good to have some kind of regular schedule.

I am realistic enough to know that this could all be blown out of the water. My hope is that we have this chance to finish thank-you notes, get caught up on yard work, go to the dog club meeting, play pool, spend time with the 4-legged children, and just relax.

I am thinking about meeting my trainer on Friday afternoons for a light work-out. I feel I am losing some strength. I need to do something on a more regular basis. Easy things I can do at home. I hope she will take me back.

I accept my situation and am making the best of it. A little 'new normal' is all I'm asking for. At least for awhile.

Round 3, Day 1

Yesterday was day 1 of round 3 of chemo. My counts were a little low, but not enough to change treatment. I can't use the veins in my left hand now. The hand stays sore for a long time. We used a vein in the right arm. If things look good after the CAT scan in 3 weeks, I may get a port. It's very painful to get these needles, and then if they have to move it around or do it again, it's just not fun.

I got the usual chills and headache, but slept for 4 hours. Today I just feel kind of drugged. I'm having a pelvic ultrasound today. I've been getting an intermittent knife-sharp pain when I bend over a certain way. The Dr. took out my IUD (I don't need it anymore anyyway), but that didn't do the trick. Hopefully it's just scar tissue or something.

Always a new adventure.

Albuquerque

We got back from Albuquerque about midnight last night. Our trip purpose was two-fold. We went down for a dog show. Kohlbi showed very well and got reserve on Saturday and a second place in his class on Sunday. No points, but he did well.

The other reason was to visit more with Michael's relatives who came down only for the day of the wedding. It was great to get to spend time with them where we could actually talk. I really didn't get a chance to talk to his brother and sister at the wedding. It was also nice to see his grandparents again. I love the southwest architecture. Kohlbi got to run around a large, flat grassy backyard and had a grand time with the chance to get dirty after two days at the show.

We rode the tram up to Sandia peak and got an awesome view of the city lights at night. The weather was great. The drive through Taos was lovely. The drive from Alb to Los Alamos over the Jemez Mountains was beautiful with the red clay mountain sides and cliffs.

I had about 36 hours of the Big D. Sorry for the pun, but it's given me a whole new definition of toxic waste. I'll say no more. I'm now taking my chemo pill every other day. That was really the only downer of the weekend. I didn't have much appetite and felt kind of wrung out the last two days. Thankfully, Michael did all the driving. Drivers in NM are crazy!

It was a really nice 4-day get away. I'm looking forward to more of those.

Thursday is Round 3, Day 1. Another round and then a CAT scan for some visual knowlege of what is happening.

Friends

I just said goodbye to two friends. One I've known since the early '80s, but hadn't seen in about 15 years. The other I met once 4 years ago, and then again in Vegas and again here in Colorado. Friends are the best thing about getting older. They mean more to me now than they did when I was younger. Not that I didn't love them when I was younger, but the benefit of a 'few' years puts a different spin on relationships. The relationships are deeper and more meaningful, even if we don't see each other very often. My women friends are some of the most fantastic people I know. We help each other out through hard times and celebrate the good times. We know each other well. We have fun together, we laugh together, and we've cried together through various tragedies that have befallen us. I have a work-related group of friends, a dog-related group of friends, and others that I've picked up along the road.

Since this journey began, I've heard from people I haven't talked to in years. They have bridged the gap of years between us to pray for me, send me good mojo, and just check in to see how I'm doing. They have offered to help with anything within their means or power. It means the world to me--more than any of them can ever know.

Some friends have come and gone from my life--not always by my choice--and I've struggled to understand the lessons. Sometimes the lessons are hard. I can look back and see now why certain people were in my life for even a short time. I needed them at that time or maybe they needed me, or we needed each other. Others have come in and out of my life at various times, yet it's not awkward. We pick up where we left off. It's amazing to look back on each relationship, no matter how long or short, and see what the value was or still is.

I've learned a lot about friendship. I've learned that I haven't always been a great friend, or even a good friend. I've learned that part of friendship is giving up some of my own selfishness. That I can be truly happy for someone even if I'm a tad envious. Because it's not all about me (especially since the wedding is over). I think I've learned to be a good friend over the years, and I know that I can still strive to become an even better one.

Rash

The rash is excema. I have a prescription-strength creme to put on it now. Hopefully it will go away within a week or so. If not, then I go back. It was nice to be able to get in so quickly to see a dermatologist. I'm really tired today, but actually did have an appetite. Back to work tomorrow.

Back on Track

I had chemo today. I have a little bit of the headache and had some chills during my nap. It's great to be back to normal. :-P

The big D has backed off. The Dr. isn't sure what the rash I have is and has referred me to a dermatologist. I will start round 3 next Thursday.

So, I should be feeling good for Albuquerque this weekend and for dog bathing/grooming on Thursday. I will go back to work maybe later tomorrow and then Wed/Thurs for sure (barring any unexpected events).

I will go back on my chemo pill tonight. Hopefully it will not bring major big D with it. If so, I can start taking it every other day. I hope that isn't necessary. If it's working, I want to get it daily. I don't think the Dr. was too thrilled with my being off it for a few days. But, I did as the PA said. It made sense at the time. They can hash it out between themselves. I'm trusting them to do what's right for me.