Today is R6D15. My counts were very low. They almost didn't treat me again. But, gave me a 50% dose reduction of my already-reduced dosage. Also got a shot to boost my red blood cells.
Next week I will have a scan, and the following week start round 7 and get the results. The Dr. may want to start doing 2 weeks on, 1 week off. Maybe I'll tolerate that better.
We had a dog show last weekend. No points for Kohlbi, but he showed well. Weekend after this is Cheyenne and then the following weekend is our local Samoyed specialty on Friday and an all-breed dog show on Sat/Sun. Whew!
Michael and I are planning to go to the Samoyed National in Topeka, KS at the end of September. Then we will turn around and go to Florida for the launch of the shuttle for Hubble Servicing Mission #4. Ball Aerospace has a huge part in this mission. I had always wanted to go to one so asked to be put on the list. I was lucky enough to get an invitation. Should be exciting. After that, we stay home for awhile.
I'm going to try not to spend a lot of energy over the next two weeks worrying about the scan. I can't change whatever it will be. It's always an anxious time, though. I'll keep busy and not dwell on it.
I hope I can do that.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Self-Absorbed
I feel like I'm being very self-absorbed lately. I know I'm not reaching out to others as much. It's not because I don't care, some days it's a matter of energy. If you send me email, I swear that I read it (probably that day) even if I don't respond. I feel like I'm not being a good friend.
I had one friend who was going through something and didn't say anything because they didn't want to add to my burden. No one is doing that. I'm still the same person (albeit a bit more tired) and I still care about what is going on in your lives--good or bad. I hope I'm not so self-absorbed that I can't celebrate the good times and listen or help during the bad times.
I know I'm not the poster child for being a great friend right now. I just want everyone to know that I do care and I'm doing my best to balance everything. Hang in there with me.
I had one friend who was going through something and didn't say anything because they didn't want to add to my burden. No one is doing that. I'm still the same person (albeit a bit more tired) and I still care about what is going on in your lives--good or bad. I hope I'm not so self-absorbed that I can't celebrate the good times and listen or help during the bad times.
I know I'm not the poster child for being a great friend right now. I just want everyone to know that I do care and I'm doing my best to balance everything. Hang in there with me.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Chemo Brain
Yes, that's right. That's what you can get after awhile.
I didn't have a great week after R6D1. I had a couple of fevers, felt tired and weak, didn't have much appetite, and lost 5 lb. No one compliments you on your weight loss when you have cancer. Not that they should be. You want to hold onto your reserves as long as possible. I'm down ~30 lb. Thankfully I had some reserves.
Treatment today was OK. I asked the Dr. about cognitive issues. The other day I wrote out my full name and mispelled my middle name, Frances, with an i instead of an e. I was horrified. The Dr. laughed and I laughed as well. It was pretty funny, yet also concerning. Then he brought up the term 'chemo brain'. I've also noticed that I don't remember things very well and that I don't type as well anymore.
My hands/fingers shake a bit now. I'll be curious to have my MRI/neurology appt in Sept to see if my MS is progressing or if this is all due to PC/chemo.
We discussed my CA19-9 at the visit today. We are still going to wait to get a scan until after the next treatment. It could just be one tumor growing with nothing else moving. We will just have to wait and find out.
Michael and I had a 'talk and cry' night on Tuesday. We do have to confront our fears and it helps enhance our communication as we process things very differently from each other. I only got a couple of hours of sleep (it was too late to take an Ambien and get up for work). But, I slept good last night.
Hopefully my chemo brain is actually caused by chemo and nothing in my brain. There is always that chance. There is a chance that anything can happen. I can just muddle through it and try to keep a semi-intelligent wit about me.
Let me know how I'm doing.
I didn't have a great week after R6D1. I had a couple of fevers, felt tired and weak, didn't have much appetite, and lost 5 lb. No one compliments you on your weight loss when you have cancer. Not that they should be. You want to hold onto your reserves as long as possible. I'm down ~30 lb. Thankfully I had some reserves.
Treatment today was OK. I asked the Dr. about cognitive issues. The other day I wrote out my full name and mispelled my middle name, Frances, with an i instead of an e. I was horrified. The Dr. laughed and I laughed as well. It was pretty funny, yet also concerning. Then he brought up the term 'chemo brain'. I've also noticed that I don't remember things very well and that I don't type as well anymore.
My hands/fingers shake a bit now. I'll be curious to have my MRI/neurology appt in Sept to see if my MS is progressing or if this is all due to PC/chemo.
We discussed my CA19-9 at the visit today. We are still going to wait to get a scan until after the next treatment. It could just be one tumor growing with nothing else moving. We will just have to wait and find out.
Michael and I had a 'talk and cry' night on Tuesday. We do have to confront our fears and it helps enhance our communication as we process things very differently from each other. I only got a couple of hours of sleep (it was too late to take an Ambien and get up for work). But, I slept good last night.
Hopefully my chemo brain is actually caused by chemo and nothing in my brain. There is always that chance. There is a chance that anything can happen. I can just muddle through it and try to keep a semi-intelligent wit about me.
Let me know how I'm doing.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Round 6, Day 2
Yesterday I started round 6 of chemo. He knocked my dose down just a little again, so I can hopefully get through all three treatments in this round. I actually feel pretty good. We will do a scan after this round to see how things are going.
Today, the Dr. office called to tell me my CA19-9 has gone from the 100s into the 900s. Obviously something is growing somewhere. We won't know exactly what is going on until the scan in a couple of weeks. That magic number is not the be-all, end-all, but it can be indicative of activity.
I'm a bit worried now and anxious to get the scan. We'll talk to the Dr. about it at our next appointment on Thursday. In the meantime, I will find things to keep me busy. Today I spent about 1.5 hours weeding along the driveway and some of the flower beds. We have a dog rescue picnic tomorrow and some dog shows coming up. Hopefully the time will go quickly.
Today, the Dr. office called to tell me my CA19-9 has gone from the 100s into the 900s. Obviously something is growing somewhere. We won't know exactly what is going on until the scan in a couple of weeks. That magic number is not the be-all, end-all, but it can be indicative of activity.
I'm a bit worried now and anxious to get the scan. We'll talk to the Dr. about it at our next appointment on Thursday. In the meantime, I will find things to keep me busy. Today I spent about 1.5 hours weeding along the driveway and some of the flower beds. We have a dog rescue picnic tomorrow and some dog shows coming up. Hopefully the time will go quickly.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Haircut
I've been debating about it since I got the wig and started wearing hats. I've never had really short hair in my entire adult life. You would think at this point, it wouldn't really matter, but somehow it did.
I didn't have the guts to get it shaved completely. One of my sisters said that after giving it quite a bit of thought, she decided she would not shave her head in solidarity should I choose to go that route. I thought that was really nice of her to even consider it.
Today I went and got it cut short. It actually looks like I have more hair with it shorter. Not that I'd go out in public with my almost-naked pate. I figured it would make wearing the wig and hats easier, and not look so scraggly.
Today I ordered another wig and a couple of hats online, so I have some options. I can no longer be in denial about what 'thinning' hair means. So, I'll try to be a bit stylish to compensate.
I didn't have the guts to get it shaved completely. One of my sisters said that after giving it quite a bit of thought, she decided she would not shave her head in solidarity should I choose to go that route. I thought that was really nice of her to even consider it.
Today I went and got it cut short. It actually looks like I have more hair with it shorter. Not that I'd go out in public with my almost-naked pate. I figured it would make wearing the wig and hats easier, and not look so scraggly.
Today I ordered another wig and a couple of hats online, so I have some options. I can no longer be in denial about what 'thinning' hair means. So, I'll try to be a bit stylish to compensate.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Back Home
We got home yesterday late afternoon. Our housesitter had given us a heads up that the air conditioner wasn't working properly since Friday night. Bummer.
We had a great visit with Mom. She wanted us to go through her stuff and pick what we wanted. We shipped several boxes of little things home. The bigger stuff is identified and we will get that when she decides to move from the farm.
One of Maurice's sons is clearing the junk off the land. He's been wanting to do it for years, but Maurice wouldn't let him. He has moved four junked cars, the top of the old silo and lots of other iron scrap. It looks better already.
We got the chance to see lots of Rellertives while we were there. We have such a good time with them. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Yesterday, we had brunch with my maternal cousins in Minneapolis on our way to the airrport. It was great to be able to see both sides of the family.
I felt pretty good all week, just tired. The hair is coming out fast and furious. I've learned how to hug tall people and keep my hat on at the same time. Not as easy as you might think.
The weather was pretty mild--not too hot and not too humid. We did have a good storm early one morning that I slept through and that had Mom and Sister #3, who was staying at her house, in the basement for awhile. The rest of us were at a hotel in town.
We had a fun week full of laughter and some tears. I know my mother has some difficult days ahead off and on. But, she is a trouper. It is good to visit, but it's also good to get home (except for that darn air conditioning).
We had a great visit with Mom. She wanted us to go through her stuff and pick what we wanted. We shipped several boxes of little things home. The bigger stuff is identified and we will get that when she decides to move from the farm.
One of Maurice's sons is clearing the junk off the land. He's been wanting to do it for years, but Maurice wouldn't let him. He has moved four junked cars, the top of the old silo and lots of other iron scrap. It looks better already.
We got the chance to see lots of Rellertives while we were there. We have such a good time with them. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Yesterday, we had brunch with my maternal cousins in Minneapolis on our way to the airrport. It was great to be able to see both sides of the family.
I felt pretty good all week, just tired. The hair is coming out fast and furious. I've learned how to hug tall people and keep my hat on at the same time. Not as easy as you might think.
The weather was pretty mild--not too hot and not too humid. We did have a good storm early one morning that I slept through and that had Mom and Sister #3, who was staying at her house, in the basement for awhile. The rest of us were at a hotel in town.
We had a fun week full of laughter and some tears. I know my mother has some difficult days ahead off and on. But, she is a trouper. It is good to visit, but it's also good to get home (except for that darn air conditioning).
Friday, July 25, 2008
R5D15
I went in for chemo yesterday. My counts were too low and they wouldn't let me get it. It's a happy and sad thing at the same time. I'm going to Minnesota on Sunday with Michael and my sisters to see my Mom. So, I'm glad that I won't be feeling sick. On the other hand, is not getting this treatment going to be a negative thing in fighting my disease. There was talk of further lowering my dosage. What will that do to the abililty to fight the cancer? I have no answers right now. I am looking forward to getting out of town, seeing my mother and any other rellertives who show up, and leaving the pancan at home.
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