EEEEWWWW!

This analogy came to me while I was back in bed this morning after feeding the animals. I've always hated things like tics and other parasitc things that live off of the body. They've always grossed me out. Cancer is a parasite. It survives by using my body as a host. I hate that.

Comments

I went back to all of my posts and looked at the comments. I found some I had missed. I want to thank everyone who reads the blog. Thanks also to those of you who have commented. If you get anything at all from reading and/or commenting, then it's been worthwhile. I continue to be awestruck at how many people have gotten back in touch, or people who I rarely see who are putting out their positive energy. It helps me more than you can ever know.

Alone and Undistracted

I've lived alone for the majority of my adult life. I've always been independent. I put myself through school, bought two houses on my own, travelled, kept a good job, participated in non-work-related activities, had friends, and was rarely lonely.

Michael is in San Diego until Monday for the APA Women's Professional Billiards Association tournament. He and his best friend go every year. I went one year, and it's pretty awesome to watch these women play.

So, I am here with the dogs and cats. It's quiet. There's no commotion like there is when Michael is here (in a good way). I didn't have to fight with the cats for space in the bed, as there was a whole side unused.

I never thought I'd really get used to living with someone else, but I have. I've always liked having some alone time--I still need some space. Now it is lonely being here by myself with no one to talk to. No commotion. It's even a little scary being here alone with the war that is going on inside my body. Strange how perspectives change.

My wedding team is coming over tonight to look at my dress. It will be good to have company. I have talked to many people on the phone. I think that if I felt better, I'd be doing way more around the house. Not feeling very well makes me feel a bit isolated.

Tomorrow I will go into town and run a couple of errands, go to the chiropractor, get my hair cut, and take my brother grocery shopping. I'm sure that will perk me up. It's easy to go to the dark side, where there isn't much distraction.

Round 1 Realities

The rash is here. My nose and chin look like puberty has erupted again. I have other areas of my body that are pink and very tender. I suspect they will be next. I don't know how the digestive tract can yoyo betwee the big C&D all at the same time--sometimes within minutes. I thought I knew fatigue from MS. There is a whole different kind I am getting to know now.

I'm glad that my dosage was cut back a bit last week. It would have been hard to have fun if I had been feeling worse. I'm going to talk to the doctor about reducing the dosage or skipping the week of the wedding.

I am making arrangements to go back to work hopefully three days a week, maybe four. I'm scared that I won't be able to do it. But, we need the salary and I have very good insurance. I'm looking into all my options.

The wedding is less than 3 weeks away. Even tho I'm not doing most of the work, last night I was suddenly overwhelmed by all the people coming to town, getting the house cleaned, going back to work, and everything in between. I feel much better today. I know it will all work out. I will do the best I can.

This is my week off my infusion. I'm looking forward to feeling good and watching the rash continue to spread. (A girl's gotta have a hobby.)

Vegas, Baby

We got home mid-afternoon yesterday. I didn't even try to find a computer while we were in Vegas.

After a little booking mistake on my part, we flew standby and got in around 11am. My friends who live there, picked us up, stopped by the store so we could pick up some Ensure, gave us a gift bag of water glasses, lotion, etc., then took us to lunch. WOW! They then brought us to the hotel and we waited out by the pool until our room was ready. Once they got us settled we said goodbye.

The Monte Carlo is a pretty nice hotel. Our room was large and nice. We had a nice view of the pool area and all the construction that is going on behind the hotel. I think the construction crane must be the state bird (or at least the city bird).

The surprise went well. 'O' was spectacular. We eschewed Hoover Dam to go to the Star Trek experience at the Hilton with a couple of other people. It was well done. Then we had our birthday dinner at Circo Restaurant at the Bellagio. It was a really fun weekend.

I've learned that a simple weekend getaway is hard to do now. I have to have some rest time. But I'm so glad we went. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Round 1, Day 15

I had my third treatment today. It burned a little going in this time. The nurse got me with the first poke, but it was in a tenuous position, so had to keep still. My sister entertained us with a hand-held version of Family Feud, complete with commercial breaks and plenty of witty commentary.

My platelet count is a bit down, so the Dr lowered my dosage a bit. My white cell count is still down a little, but nothing worrisome. I'm starting to get dried skin on my face, and a bit of the unpleasant diarrhea (D) and constipation (C). It's hard to imagine kind of having both at the same time, but it's possible. The Dr said that he wouldn't be susrprised if I got a blood clot at some point. Pancreatic cancer and my history make this a definite possibility. So, I shall remain vigilant. He suggested drinking a lot of water on the plane so I'd have to get up and pee often. I hate that. But, I've been on the blood clot flight before and don't want to make that trip again. Almost didn't come back, last time.

By the time my appetite really comes back Wed/Thurs, then the treatment sucks that away nicely for the next few days. I've lost about 10 lbs since all this started. I'm really thankful I have the 'reserves' I do. :-) I'll be buying some Ensure for the hotel room while we're in Vegas. I'm pretty much packed. Just a few last minute things to throw in tomorrow.

Next week is my week off treatment (other than the pill I take). My Dr said that I seem to be tolerating it well, and that if I want to go back to work in some capacity, that would be fine. I'm waiting to hear from the person at work to let me know what all my options are for working and doing chemo.

At the next visit in two weeks, they will check my CA19-9 and see if it has moved from its original number. It can be somewhat of an indication on how things are going, but the ultimate answer lies in the CAT scan. We shall see.

So far just a slight headache, and I'm getting a little tired. Might blog from Vegas if I feel like it and can find a computer.

More Wedding Stuff & Stuff

I think I can go away this weekend and know that I am caught up on my small part of the wedding planning. We met with the minister today, an ex-Catholic priest. As a recovering Catholic myself, we got along just fine. We went over how the ceremony will take place. Thank you VT for the program.

We also put down a deposit on the wedding/reception location. I guess there's no turning back now. :-P We also finished the list of photos we'd like to have. I hate posing for pictures. I always feel so unnatural. But, everyone says, "You're the bride, this day is all about you", so I guess I'll have to suck it up. :-)

I feel pretty good today. Probably best since last Wednesday. Looking forward to another good day tomorrow. I really hope that I feel OK this weekend. I'll bring a good book in case I need to rest in the room.