R5D15

I went in for chemo yesterday. My counts were too low and they wouldn't let me get it. It's a happy and sad thing at the same time. I'm going to Minnesota on Sunday with Michael and my sisters to see my Mom. So, I'm glad that I won't be feeling sick. On the other hand, is not getting this treatment going to be a negative thing in fighting my disease. There was talk of further lowering my dosage. What will that do to the abililty to fight the cancer? I have no answers right now. I am looking forward to getting out of town, seeing my mother and any other rellertives who show up, and leaving the pancan at home.

First Day of School

I wore my wig to work today. The hair is so thin on top now, there is no choice but to cover it up. I had to call a friend last night for a pep talk to do it. I was really nervous. She and another coworker were the first people to see me this morning and they liked it. Then I went to a department meeting and everyone else got to see it. I had more positive comments.

Under my lighting at home, the color looks blonde. Under the fluorescent bulbs at work, it looks strawberry blonde. I guess that's not so bad.

It gets a little itchy, but not sweaty. I'm learning not to keep my neck stiff when I move my head while wearing it. I brought my matching hat just in case the wig turned into a fiasco. I'm relieved and more confident with it now.

I need to decide whether to get the rest of my hair cut short or leave the back long to hang out from underneath my hats. It's a tough decision.

Anyway, it was kind of like the first day of school where you hope people like your new clothes, new hairdo, etc. I'm relieved.

Quilt

A Ball Aerospace employee, who I've known for years, but haven't seen in a long time, came to the house the other night. Turns out she lives just a few blocks away. She makes quilts for cancer patients. The cancer center has many quilts that have been made specifically for the comfort of patients as they get their treatments.

She made me a roughly 18x18-in. quilt showing stars representing all of the support from friends, family, and coworkers. It has one star depicting me reaching up for all the good wishes.

It was so unexpected to see her and I was so moved that she would do that for me. It reminds me of all of the good people there are in my life and all the nice things that come my way.

Take the time to think about the good things that happen every day.

Updates

My stepfather passed on early last night. My mother was with him and it was peaceful. A lot of friends and relatives had been by to visit during the past week. He enjoyed that even if he couldn't speak. He was pretty cognizant. There will be a celebration of his life this weekend. We will probably go out in a week or so (after R5D15) for my week off. My mom wants some time to herself and then she wants us to come out. She is doing well.

The other update is that I ordered a wig. We shall see how that goes.

Hair in My Sink

I can't ignore it any longer. It started slowly a couple of months ago. A few hairs in my comb. Now when I comb or brush my hair or shampooo it, or run my fingers through it, several hairs come out.

I started this process with thin, fine hair. I knew that it wouldn't fall out in clumps. But, I have grown no body hair since this began, so every hair that comes out now, is not being replaced by anything else.

A friend has a wig catalog she wants to give me. I will probably look on the American Cancer Society page and see what they have to offer. I really don't look that great in hats, and I'm not cute enough to pull off scarves. I think I'm going to have to look at wigs. I hear some of them aren't so hot/sweaty in the summer.

It's very noticeable to people, even tho they have been polite enough not to comment on the thinness. It's getting hard to do anything with it as well.

I truly wish that I was bold enough to have it all cut off and say 'screw it' to anyone who doesn't like it. I don't think that's me, unfortunately. I shall find a way to deal with this. So, if I look just a little bit different next time you see me, you can comment or not. I'll do what I feel I need to do.

Round 5, Day 1 and Other Stuff

Yesterday was R5D1. I spoke with the Dr. yesterday about my difficult recovery (9 days) after my last treatment. He did some math, and figured out what my average dosage has been. He lowered my dose in the hopes that I won't have such a roller coaster of white cell and platelet counts. I didn't feel too bad yesterday and today I feel pretty good. I hope this will make it easier, yet still be effective. We can raise the dosage over time and see where the 'sweet' number ends up.


The other thing going on, is that my stepfather is dying. He has battled slow-growing prostate cancer which has been spreading to his bones. He was managing that with radiation over the past year. A recent scan, tho, showed that it was spreading. He took a sudden turn and was in a lot of pain. He is now heavily medicated. His youngest daughter, who is studying to be a hospice nurse, is there helping to care for him and helping my mom get through this. His other children and grandchildren, nieces, and nephews will be visiting in the next couple of days. Michael and my sisters and I will go out probably when he's gone. My mom will need us then.

I am very sad. But, he is 87 years old, and is a person who has lived his life well. He's had a lot of adventure, got his college degree at age 70, he's travelled, met lots of people and had an impact on their lives. He will be missed by many.

Getting Things Done

I have the absolute best family. Sister #1 (in numeric order, not preference) called this week and REALLY wanted to help me go through the stuff in my office and get it organized. She thought that Brother #2 might also come and could help Michael with some outside stuff. Sister #3 also wanted to come and hoped we'd have something for her to do. Then I found out Sister #2 didn't want to miss out on anything.

They got here just as I was getting my shot in Boulder. Michael and Brother #2 finished picking up piles of pulled weeds and cut trees and loaded them into the truck so Michael and I can take them to the dump tomorrow. They then scooped poop out of the dog area as I hadn't really been up to it. I was so grateful. By the time I got home it was too hot to work outside.

When I got here the sistahs had almost everything out of the office. All I had to do was sit on the couch as they went through boxes and say: 'save', 'toss', or 'donate/sell'. We got rid of A LOT of stuff. Now what I have left is manageable and I can work on it a little at a time.

They will never know how much this means to me (I'm tearing up as I'm writing). We couldn't even convince them to stay for dinner. This is no reflection on Michael's cooking (tho, maybe mine). They just wanted to do something helpful and then go do their own things.

Family - I love you with all my heart.

Cumulative Results

Chemo is cumulative. By Saturday afternoon I was feeling like I had been run over by a semi. I did go to the store, but almost turned around twice. I was so tired and so weak, I could hardly stand it. I got a fever later in the day.

Sunday I was coming around a bit. We went to a movie and over to a sister's house in Thornton to pick up a yard implement. That was all I was good for. I noticed a dark spot on my foot, and tried to wipe it off, but it didn't work. Monday, I felt OK, and had a meeting I needed to attend, so went into work a little late. Came home a little early. Had more marks on my foot. Looked like bruising, but didn't really hurt. Tuesday went to work a little late and came home early again.

Wed had to wait for a repairman and called the Dr. office. I was feeling really cruddy, and worried about the large bruises as they can indicate problems. I was also feeling a bit light headed and mildly nauseated. Michael drove me to the Dr. and came home. We had an installation person coming.

I saw the PA and had a mini-meltdown. My counts were OK, not great, but she thought gettingi some fluids would help. I also got a shot to boost my white cell production, and a shot to help boost my platelets. I had another one yesterday and one today. Michael called a good friend of mine at work and asked if she could come over, because he felt badly that he wasn't there and I was in meltdown mode. That was really nice and meant a lot to me.

I think it's all helping. I slept 6 hours yesterday afternoon, and felt good enough to eat and go to the store. Today I feel pretty good. My sisters and brother are coming over this afternoon to help us with some chores around the house. I love my family and am so grateful to have them.

The weekend should be pretty laid back, and hopefully I'll have a few good days before round 5 begins next Thursday.